A woman has split opinions online after confessing she’s contemplating contacting the widow of her first love, after a Google search led her to the news of his passing in recent years.
According to research, 64 percent of people have stalked their first love online to see what they’re up to in life, and nearly 1 in 4 have actually contacted their first loves after tracking them down online.
For this woman, however, the story was made a bit more complicated when she found an obituary for her former boyfriend. She explained in a popular Mumsnet post that they dated at ages 14 and 15, and were each other’s first relationships and first kisses.
After dating for just a few months, her teen boyfriend dumped her out of nowhere and they didn’t speak again until 17 when he sent a letter apologizing for how things ended.
“I have from time to time wondered what happened to him and had idly googled him but without any success – he has a reasonably common name. It was only recently that I thought to google him and the name of the small village he grew up in and I immediately came across an obituary for him, reporting that he had died in 2019 after a long battle with cancer,” she wrote in the post.
“He was quite successful in his chosen career so there were a couple of obituaries in national publications, and in addition his wife (now widow) is a professional writer who has written at length about his illness and her subsequent bereavement.
“Even though I hadn’t seen or heard from him in decades I have felt quite affected by his death, both because of what he meant to me for a brief time but also I suppose because it is always hard to think about people dying so young.”
She explained that her digital investigation left her tempted to contact the widow to offer her condolences, but worries it will be inappropriate and unwelcome by the wife. “She may not want to hear from an ex-girlfriend, even though it was just a teen romance from many years before they met,” added the former flame.
“But on the other hand, she might like to hear from someone else who has fond memories of her late husband and at the end of the day we both loved him, (although I’m not of course comparing my relationship with hers).
“I don’t think there is a right answer but am really torn,” she admitted.
To match her own uncertainty, forum users were left just as torn, equally arguing both sides to the extreme.
“It sounds as though you are doing it for you, not her,” argued one user. “I think it’s unlikely she would welcome you reaching out years later even if she is polite to you. I wouldn’t do it. Leave her in peace.”
“I was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago and decided not to contact,” added another. “She has enough to deal with.”
A recent widow tapped into her own experiences, explaining: “I don’t think I would be too impressed by his first girlfriend.”
Others, however, weren’t so sure, arguing that there could be acceptable ways of doing it.
“I think it’s fine as long as you frame yourself as an ‘old friend’ and have good memories to share from his teenage years. It may well bring comfort to her. I don’t think you should put anything about romance or first love ,” shared one forum user.
“I think it could be a lovely thing to do especially as she’s a writer and it would add to the story of his life,” agreed another. “But only if you do it the right way, not about you as such, but as a way of letting her discover a bit more about him, what he was like when he was younger, what a great guy he was and how much respect you had for him. It’s a bit of a fine line though, don’t intrude in her grief.”